Stage-Land

“The hero.

His name is George, generally speaking: ‘Call me George!’ he says to the heroine. She calls him George (in a very low voice, because she is so young and timid). Then he is happy.

The Stage hero never has any work to do. He is always hanging about, and getting into trouble. His chief aim in life is to be accused of crimes he has never committed, and if he can muddle things up with a corpse, in some complicated way, so as to get himself reasonably mistaken for the murderer, he feels his day has not been wasted.

He has a wonderful gift of speech, and a flow of language, calculated to strike terror in the bravest heart. It is a grand thing to hear him bullyragging the villain.

The Stage hero is always entitled to ‘estates’, chiefly remarkable for their high state of cultivation and for the eccentric ground plan of the ‘Manor House’ upon them. The house is never more than one storey high, but it makes up in green stuff over the porch what it lacks in size and convenience.

The chief drawback in connection with it, in our eyes, is that all the inhabitants of the neighbouring village appear to live in the front garden, but the hero evidently thinks it rather nice of them, as it enables him to make speeches to them from the front door step—his favourite recreation.”